Day 20, New revelations

Like regular revelations...but better.

It seems that the middle of week 3 is when all of the good stuff really starts to kick in, you could see it in Patrick and it is currently rocking Corry, David, and me. Gone are the incessant unhealthy cravings, gone are lazy afternoons spent not exercising, gone is the general lethargic cloud hanging over our heads and permeating every small nook and cranny of our bodies and minds. Things are electric now, more or less, and in addition to all of the physical changes we all are experiencing now on a literally daily basis, things are beginning to be clearer and easier to notice. I can only speak for myself but the fog of daily life seems to be lifting and showing us all exactly what is happening to us during our days without anything obscuring reality from us.

My head has become clearer than it ever has before. What a grand feeling that is! Ever since I consciously started to develop into a person of my own I’ve felt that there was something keeping me from reaching my true potential, both inside and out. It felt like everything I felt was really interesting to me or what I truly believed to be right (a subjective term, I know) was there inside of me but was covered by a blanket to heavy to lift. Now that I’m knee deep into the project and am really starting to feel the positive effects of something like the PCP I realize that I’m able to push aside the veil of regular life and see what exactly I’ve always wanted to become.

Without all of these distractions my mind is free to develop into something amazing, I’m able to focus on what I’ve always wanted to do. Because of the changes in me I’m able to see the changes that I want to make in my life and in the world around me.

My current job is not something that I want to turn into my career, I mean, don’t get me wrong, I enjoy training in karate and the students I teach there are awesome but I can’t and don’t want to imagine myself working there ten years from now. My dreams are clear to me and, for the most part, the way to reach those dreams are clear as well.

I want to be an author, scratch that, a published author. I get a great sense of euphoria when I sit down to put my stories to paper, to feel my characters and places, and ideas work their way down through my arm, into my fingers, through my pen, and become something alive in front of my eyes. Despite all of the amazingly difficult work it takes to create a living, breathing world with real people there is nothing I would rather do than spend an afternoon sitting at a table and writing.

It’s very clear to me now that that is what I want to do. It is clear because of this project and all of the newly free mental space and abilities that have been opened up to me. This project is, if for nothing else, worth it because of that. It’s one of the most wonderful feelings in the world to have and is something that everyone should experience.

Day 6, Vices

You never know what you've got until it's gone.

Before the project started on May 15th dinnertime was a good fifteen to thirty minutes spent spooning food into my mouth, or chopsticking it into there, while watching television or the computer. A horrible habit, I know. Dinner was usually whatever my eyes fell on first when I swung open the pantry door. More often than not, though, dinner for me was "comfort food". You see, I eat dinner after work at the karate school where I'm teaching five hours of classes numbering about twenty to thirty, sometimes more.

So you can see why comfort food is so downright, well, comforting after a day like that.

My bigggest addiction, and something I would eat frequently (three times a week was not uncommon) was a bowl ful of short grain white rice and orzo pasta cooked in water with vegetable buillon and garlic powder and then sprinkled with soy saice. I love it, but that's a lot of unnecessary carbohydrates to be taking in three times a week. Maybe once every other week would be slightly better for me, but even then...

My other addiction is fruit juice. That in itself doesn't sound bad and it's not hugely horrible, I only drink stuff labeled 100% fruit juice and I try not to overdo it. Sometimes it does get the better of me as I've used it as a replacement for all of the soda I used to drink. The problem with that is that I've learned that you should not drink the majority of your daily calories, it offsets things. Plus, unless it an alcoholic beverage, the no real social aspect to drinks like there is for food so it's very easy to not pay attention to what you're taking in.

(By the way, if you wonderful readers have any suggestions for low or preferably no caffeine drinks with no calories I would really appreciate them. Thanks)

Now that dinnertime, or anytime, has become more of an event for me (no more mindless Pop-Tart eating, another habit) I've been willingly forced to watch what I'm cooking and drinking instead of just picking some junk from the freezer and frying it in oil. It takes a lot more work and thought and, believe me, giving up those comfort foods is damn tough (they're called comfort foods for a reason) but to succeed with something like this or anything else you have to look toward the end result as well as how much better you feel now and weigh the potential benefits against your present cravings. Ask yourself, is it really worth it to sacrifice wonderful health and a great, fit body for a bowl of rice and orzo pasta (or macaroni and cheese or mashed potatoes and gravy)?

It's not for me anymore, I can see that now, and I'm loving the food that I am eating (all the extra effort seems to make it tastier). And you know what? I'm totally cool with that.